what do you do when you and your spouse disagree on parenting?? My husband thinks my 2 year old knows when he's doing something wrong. I don't totally disagree, but think he's still learning. Well, this morning at 5 am, he wakes up... I go get him, get him milk and while holding him he sees a Thomas Train package on the counter. Well, it's not for him at 5 am. I tell him no and he proceeds to throw a FIT!! So B wakes up, puts him back in his crib to scream and finally he lays down quietly... B gets him about 30 minutes later...
So now B thinks anytime he does something bad, let's put him in his crib. I don't think his crib should be a place for punishment. B doesn't think time out in the corner works, because he won't sit there. I think 2 minutes is long enough. B thinks he stays until he calms down...
Do 2 year olds really know that much??
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2 comments:
I think if you make his crib the punishment spot, you run the risk of making bedtime into an extremely unpleasant event for everyone.
I vote against cribs for punishment, too, except in the case where the poor child is clearly just tired and needs a nap. When we do timeout, Ander must calm down to get out (in addition to his two minutes), but it's important to give him the tools to do that. We use a calm voice, at his eye level, when correcting him, use a soft voice when we say to say "sorry," and give him hugs and kisses at the end.
As for both parents having different styles, all I know is that once people see my style with Ander work on the kids my mom does daycare for, they stopped criticizing it and started using it with their own kids. (Luckily, Alan is on-board with me.)
So I recommend that you and Burnell agree to disagree, but to not get in each other's way or disagree in front of the kid. You do things your way; he does things his. The person who starts the discipline or is there when the misbehavior starts follows through, unless they get stressed and actually ask the other one to take over.
Over time, if one style (yours, obviously ;)...I like Burnell but he has to know that I'm friendship-contractually obliged to take your side) works better, the other person will learn by example. In other words, if Burnell sees what you do is working, he'll start to do it. And if, over time, what you are doing isn't working, you'll know Burnell is watching and want to be impressive, so you'll tweak what you do until it does work.
And, I hate to say this, because it might sound like you have a problem child and you don't - Tad is a quite normal, sweet child for his developmental age - but watch Supernanny together. It's not that you need to see the kids, but watch the parents and how they act at the beginning and the end of the show. And then decide which parents you want to be like, together.
I hope some nugget of this advice works for you.
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